onions

Tonight I ran into our bedroom crying to Charlie. I couldn't take it! Not for one more second!

I started chopping this onion and tears began streaming down my face. Some onions are okay, but this one sent me over the edge. And you know what I think is really ironic about onions? The more I cry, the less I can see - I'm talking one squinted eye at a time - and so the faster I chop and the further away from the cutting board I get. Do you see the inherent danger? I'm sure this frantic scene is hilarious to watch.

Anyway, I just had to share. I'm sitting in our room while Charlie finishes the soup. At least the onion part of the recipe. What a good man.

our house is flipping us.

If “amiability during home improvement projects” is a measure of how we’re doing as a couple…well, sigh.

Charlie and I are embarking on a home-building adventure as we move into our new apartment, which has so far included undue amounts of stress and conflict regarding paint colors, taping techniques and the amount (or lack of ) care given to things like placement of objects in a loaded car. As the less conscientious half of this marriage, I wonder why certain things matter so much to him. He, I know, often wonders the reverse about me.

We both recognize that our differences are an asset. Truly. We mostly appreciate those things that make the other foreign, and how we complement each other. Except when we don’t. And it seems that lately, in the stress of moving and so much busyness, it is easy for us to have a less high-minded view of each other and fall straight into carnal, dog-eat-dog, you-will-like-my-Crepe-paint-color-or-suffer-the-consequences types of attitudes. It’s not pretty.

Listen, I was determined not to be this couple. I have watched far too many TLC house-flipping horror shows, the way once-loving couples are slowly reduced into haggard, animalistic individuals determined to have their own way. I knew better.

But I guess I am seeing that knowing better isn’t doing better. Apparently we are susceptible to the same struggles that seem like they would be so easily avoided on tv. Who knew.

But then there’s that moment. The softening of hearts. “I love you” breaks the silence. “I actually really like how this looks. You were right.” The humbling. The repentance. Maybe we can also measure our relationship by the frequency and sincerity of these moments. The muchness of Jesus in the midst of the meanness of self.

Now, back to work!

my retirement speech

Basically, I'm pretty much the most amazing person I know today. A total domestic goddess. Can I just brag to you for a second?

By God's grace I had the whole day off, which for Charlie and I means sleeping in past nine and eating breakfast after ten. I won't lie, this happens a lot. And it's awesome. Anyway, crepes for breakfast, and I was only a little bit mad that Charlie stayed in bed while I made them. This is amazing progress for me! We read the Bible - we are currently making our way through the book of Hebrews together and I am learning a lot. It's good for me to slow down and talk about what I'm reading. Very nice.

After lunch and some zombie tv show, Charlie headed off to work and I got busy. This really could have turned into a domestic disaster like the one I mentioned in an earlier post, but I think two things saved me this time: I stopped and rested, even took a nap this afternoon, when I was feeling myself getting tired. And maybe for this reason, I wasn't feeling like a slave this time. I actually felt totally joyful and privileged to be able to stay home all day and fart around the house. This, too, is progress!

I roasted butternut squash for a chowder I made, got dressed up real cute and brought stuffed tomatoes and veggies to Charlie at work for dinner, did buttloads (seriously) of dishes, and got the house looking really sweet for Joseph & Jarica to stay over tonight. All projects done! All missions accomplished! And here I sit with my feet up, savoring this rare and wonderful day and anticipating the arrival of a friend and her ice cream. Does it get better?

These days are rare, and I think that's why I have learned to appreciate them so much. I have often felt resentful of my (paying) job because my heart truly longs to be at home, making things lovely, making lovely things. And soon this will be my life!

Starting in October I'll be a stay-at-home.... wife! It seems too good to be true, and so of course sometimes I assume that it is. What am I missing?! God doesn't actually answer prayers, does He? I am honestly having a hard time believing this time has come. I think I am the luckiest lady in the world and at the same time am praying that there isn't some surprise sneak attack planned! Some day soon I will wake up and just...not have to go to work anymore. Wow. I don't have anything else to say right now, just wow.

calling it like it is!

I am currently using the Flip Bible Method of study. That means I flip open to whatever page I want and read until something catches my eye. I know this sounds less Christian than say, my disciplined husband's method of reading one book until he's done, but it's worked so well for me lately that I really have little motivation to change at this point.

So today I flipped open to Isaiah 59. I was captured right away:

"Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ears too dull to hear.

But your iniquities have separated you from you God;

your sins have hidden his face from you,

so that he will not hear.

For your hands are stained with blood,

your fingers with guilt."

Don't mean to be a Debbie Downer on this one. The truth is that I was actually really encouraged by these verses, and here's why...

I have been suffering with my friends lately. In the midst of a season of relative peace and tranquility in my marriage, I have had lots of excess emotional energy, which I have been using to over-analyze the trials and troubles of my friends. Betcha they're excited! Now, whether they need or appreciate my help is up for debate, and I'm not even sure that it's actually intentional on my part. But at this point I am just telling you how it is.

On one hand, I have been praying with more passion and learning to love them in this way. Good. On the other hand, it has been making me crazy, and straining my relationship with God. Not so good.

I tend to blame God for everything. When I see people struggling and hurting my first question seems to be, "Why, God?!" I act as if He is the one who sins and causes problems in our lives. Oh, wait...

Credit where credit is due! We, for the most part, don't require outside help to cause trouble in our lives. In fact, doesn't it seem to come naturally? If I'm honest as I look at my marriage or anyone else's, I can easily trace the issues back to people and sin, not to God.

I need God. I need Him for comfort as I'm overwhelmed by struggles I don't understand and don't know how to counsel. I need Him for wisdom as I try to speak and even to pray. I need Him for understanding, to sort things out in my head and my heart. And the second I start blaming and accusing Him, I cut myself off from all of these things and start to get so confused. The truth is that my iniquities separate me from God, just as my friends' iniquities separate them from God. It's not God's fault.

Oh, the relief of calling this like it is, of rightly labeling what's good good and what's evil evil. There is a peace that came with knowing the truth that we sin and God is good in the midst. So simple! So easy!

A pastor once told me that the Christian life isn't complicated, it's just hard =)

Bollywood, by special request!

Josie from our community group requested the following recipe and I was excited to share. Here's what makes it so wonderful:

tasty. just so, so good.

cheap. last time I made this for community group I doubled or tripled it and the whole thing, including bread and rice, cost about $9.

great for groups. easy to make, even ahead of time, and only mildly spicy so everyone can enjoy.

It's called "soup" but it's thick enough to serve over rice without sloshing around. Serve with naan, top with a dollop of plain yogurt, and you've got yourself a full meal deal. (And bonus for me, protein-obsessed pregnant lady, rice and beans together make a complete protein!) Without further ado...

Indian Spiced Chickpea and Fire-Roasted Tomato Soup

(thanks again, Rachael Ray)

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, 2 turns of the pan

• 2 cloves garlic, chopped

• 2 cans chickpeas, drained

• 1 small onion, coarsely chopped

• 2 teaspoons ground cumin, 2/3 palmful

• 1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom

• 1/2 teaspoon turmeric

• Salt and pepper

• 2 cups chicken or vegetable stock

• 1 (28-ounce) can fire roasted tomatoes

• 1 cup plain yogurt

• Warm pita, any flavor or variety, toasted

Directions

Heat a medium pot with extra-virgin olive oil over medium heat. Add garlic and cook 2 to 3 minutes. Grind the chickpeas and onion in food processor. Add to pot and cook 5 minutes to sweeten onion. Season the chickpeas with cumin, cardamom, turmeric, salt and pepper. Stir in stock, then tomatoes. Simmer soup 5 to 10 minutes to combine flavors. Serve with a dollop of yogurt and warm pita for dipping.

(when I don't have cumin/cardamom/turmeric, I substitute generic curry powder for one or all, 1:1. Still tastes great.)

everybody loves a good martyr

How many times I have heard this from my husband...

"I would so much rather have you be happy when I come home than for the house to be clean, chores done, dinner on the table."

This is the man I married, these are his true sentiments, and it has taken me over a year to realize that he might actually mean them.

What I've learned over the past year is that the greatest gift I can give my husband is joy. He loves it when I'm happy, content with my lot, excited about him and our life together, joyful to see him when he walks in the door. And for some reason this can be the hardest gift for me to give.

I remember one defining day about a year ago, just a few months after we got married. I had worked early that morning and got off around noon, came home and GOT BUSY. I dragged my tired body all over the house, up and down the stairs to the laundromat, moving slower and slower and feeling more and more dejected (after all, what was I, a slave?!), but pressing on toward the goal. My goal, of course, was nothing less than perfection. I wanted everything to be done by the time he walked in, snack and slippers waiting by our grotesque orange armchair.

Well, he came home. And things were not done. No, when he walked in, unfolded laundry literally tumbled out of my hands as I stood in the middle of the living room, tears rolling down my miserable face. Welcome home, honey.

We laugh now. Not so funny then.

But things have started to change...slowly...since I started trying to take him at his word. I could immediately see the difference on his face as he came home to a disheveled house and a disheveled wife who had spent the afternoon reading nothing of importance at all and was perfectly relaxed. His countenance brightened and he was actually excited to spend the rest of the evening with this lovely person.

The past few days in particular have been the most relaxing I've experienced since we got married. When I'm tired and Charlie suggests I take a nap, I just do, instead of arguing that I haven't been awake long enough or done enough stuff to justify it. And I can tell you for sure that we are both better off for it. Then when I do tackle my reasonable list of chores (he helped me realize that I always attempt more than is humanly possible) I don't find them nearly as overwhelming.

And now that this is starting to make sense to me in the context of my marriage, I wonder about God. Could it be that he's not impressed with my attempts at perfection either? Would he rather have me just receive his gifts and love with gratitude instead of killing myself trying to pretend I'm earning them?

Oh, but I just love thinking I deserve all the good things in my life! The battle wages on.

(photo source here)

The Ants Go Marching...Away Hopefully

A few weeks ago my husband awoke to some startling new guests- a horde, yes a horde, of tiny black ants had invaded our kitchen and were attempting to carry off our dinner plates! (I would've been quite tempted to let them, since that pile of dishes was looking pretty grim). He proceeded to kill them all without waking me in the next room- something I find utterly astonishing, seeing as if I had been the one to make the discovery, my shrieks of terror might've gotten us evicted!

The big question after the main squadron was killed was "what do we do now?". I have an abhorrence to commercial pest-control measures. One, because it costs pennies we don't have and two, because if it poisons the pests, chances are its not that great to have around anyway. Armed with the knowledge that others in my place have found ways of getting rid of these guys using everyday items, I went a-searching and found some useful information via the internet. So here begins the Abridged List of Things that Ants Find Yucky:

1. White vinegar- wipe counters, walls and floors down with this stuff (we found it kept them at bay only so long as it was freshly wiped, but this is apparently an old trick housecleaning services use).

2. Cinnamon- sprinkle it around the "infected" areas

3. Chili powder- same

4. Cucumber- this one was not tried and tested by me, but apparently a few well placed bits of this will be enough.

5. Peppermint oil- put in a spray bottle with an equal amount of water and spritz around. A few days of that should do the trick.

The peppermint oil has by far had the greatest and swiftest effect for us. This stuff actually kills the ants and if any are around when you spray, they promplty start looking for the nearest exit, but tend to pop off before they get far.

Hope this helps anyone else in dire straights!



*image obtained from http://www.clipartguide.com/