to the goodness of God

All praise to our Father, who forgives instantly and waits for us to accept love and move forward.

Sometimes I spend days wallowing, WALLOWING, after I've sinned. And I blame it on God, the big tyrant in the sky keeping me stuck, asking me to atone, withholding grace until I've fulfilled my quota for misery. And suddenly I discover that he's been waiting for me on the back porch, checking his watch and tapping his feet as he hears me inside moping and pouting about, waiting, WAITING, for me to finally come outside and play.

I could have been playing!

In marriage Charlie and I get to teach each other more about the loving heart of God. In moments when Charlie is truly repentant but won't move forward into joy I understand how God must feel when I do exactly the same thing..."It's okay, I promise! You are forgiven. Come back to me! I want to enjoy this beautiful fall afternoon and some (Bailey's) hot cocoa with you!"

I am grateful for each of these moments when I finally accept grace. After so much unnecessary struggle I am freed from myself, reminded that I don't have to atone, and shown that I'm fully clean.

I feel light-hearted as I meditate on this but am also struck by the serious responsibility we have to not nullify the value of Jesus' sacrifice for our sins by spending time trying to atone for them ourselves. What an incredible, joyful obligation we are under to accept God's love!

It's time to go outside :)

Sleep!

I have been reminded once again this week how important it is for me to get sleep - not only for my sanity but for Charlie's as well.

It started on Monday night when we decided to stay longer than normal at community group. I love those people and had some great conversations. But a few early mornings and mini-meltdowns later I am faced with the fact that I need to value sleep as an act of love for my family. I know there will always be extenuating circumstances, but as a general rule I need to rest!

I think this will help me be more consistent in my love for Charlie. This week I pushed myself so hard and began viewing every hour as potentially productive until I reached a point of burnout last night and was a crying, miserable mess in bed when he got home. Welcome home, honey! There's beer in the fridge...you will need it!

There is unexpected grace in this whole situation, however. Last night I had imagined today, my day off, as a day in which I would love nothing more than to pass time in a vegetative coma in front of our computer screen. However, the Holy Spirit is at work and though I did sleep in and have indeed spent most of the morning in bed, my mind and heart are refreshed. I drank some coffee and spent time with God, and read a Passionate Homemaking blog post and FlyLady emails that have inspired me to get out of bed with a smile on my face and finish up some chores around here not because I feel obligated as a wife and martyr but because I love my husband and want to bless him. I praise God for redeeming my burnout and having the final say in this difficult week :)